Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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