when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
