I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
