i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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