Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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