I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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