It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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