dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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