well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
