Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
tell me about the eggs
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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