onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
