grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
