you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
