a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
