it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
