I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
