i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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