So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
