I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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