he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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