i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
