I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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