thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
