We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
