Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
