im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
