the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Edward fifth and chaser hands
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
