I want to make a zoo with you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
