Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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