Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
PANTIES FOUND
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
