are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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