you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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