It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Too much gin, very little bucket
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
