You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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