dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
