Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
