The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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