Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize