Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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