I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
