Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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