I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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