Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So squirting runs in the family.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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