It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
