she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
