bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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