a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize