Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
