Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
