he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
