you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
