This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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