You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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