i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
