They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
