New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
