Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
