You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Send help, water and tortillas.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
