So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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