Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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