You can't special order awesome
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think people are normalizing furries
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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