told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
