sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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