You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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