Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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