one might say we're banned from that church
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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