party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
