There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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