question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
