In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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