it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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