And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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