My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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