I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
