i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
