theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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