I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I touched a dick in church today
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
