I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Are my feet made of real feet?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
