Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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