what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
