I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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