I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
