i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
