She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
