Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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