do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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