After last night, I could never be a politician.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
