last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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